If you are so stupid that you do not know the difference between a clean and healthy mountain stream from one that is polluted in your urban area, then you should probably stick to Big Macs, Doritos and Coke.
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| Man Risking Life By Drinking Pure Water |
You should absolutely, positively not be drinking from an all natural, pure water source like a mountain stream. (unless of course you filter it first with a government approved filter, or a filter contraption that filters out microscopic particles (it does it magically friends, you do not need to know how that "Lifestraw" works...just buy one and always use it) My advice is that if you are drinking tap water...use a Lifestraw. If you are eating a Big Mac, on a regular basis, get a will done...but heaven forbid, if you are drinking water from an untreated mountain stream...you might want to go as far as funeral insurance and a grave plot...before things get too bad. Go ahead and pick out who you want to administer that will as well.
You should absolutely, positively BE drinking from your municipal tap water. Why is municipal water so much better than a pure mountain stream??? Because it has chlorine, fluoride, poop, pee, tampons, maxipads, (anything and everything that can be flushed down a toilet). Because your government has tested the water coming out of the sewage treatment plant, they have tested the water coming out of the Water treatment plant (before it goes through miles and miles of steel and clay pipes (which of course, you know much more about than the pure and cool mountain stream). And of course your government is here to help and protect you. But the scariest part about drinking from a mountain stream is this: what if a dead squirrel is somewhere upstream, just lying there decomposing and I guess putting all of those dead decomposing bacteria in the water for you downstream? You just never know when a squirrel is going to to feel like he is getting ready to die, and decides that he wants his "deathbed" to be the stream that you want to drink from. Or worse, what if it is a rabbit, or even worse...a deer, or even worse...a fucking cow. This could be bad, but as of yet (54 years old, and hike thousand of miles in the woods I have yet to see any dead animal in any stream. I have seen skeletal remains of deer near stream beds, but this is due to flooding, then the coyote eats the deer. Folks in the unlikely event that squirrel just happens to die in the middle of a stream, I assure you that a buzzard or coyote will opportunistically eat him up.
You should be eating Big Macs, Whoppers, Chicken Tenders Fried, Iceberg lettuce that has been shipped thousands of miles and chasing it down with Coca Cola (this has to be healthier than pure water), Iced Tea with 2 pounds of GMO Beet Sugar (that they tell you is pure cane sugar).
Or, you should be SAFELY sitting on the couch watching rigged sports eating Doritos, Chicken Wings and drinking Beer (this is surely safer than drinking from a pure mountain stream). It has to be...they tell you it is on the commercials and in government reports.
In fact, the most foolish thing that a man could do, would be to drink pure water that came from it's source less than a couple of miles away. The Yadkin river and miles of pipes has to be safer.
Do not abuse your kids by giving them pure water. Give them city tap water and safe Big Macs and Fries instead.
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| Young Boy Safely Eating A Healthy Big Mac |
